Matchbox the Movie Review: Mattel’s Latest Cash Grab Is a Disaster

I’ll start by saying I refuse to believe this movie was initially written to be a Matchbox-branded movie in the first place. If it was, I have to imagine that somewhere around three hours into writing this thing, someone should have called a meeting and asked why the hell they were trying to build an action movie around toy cars. It is virtually impossible to naturally write the word “Matchbox” into a screenplay like this, let alone into the dialogue, without it sounding like a brand integration exercise. Even by streaming-service standards, it is an absurd ask to find a way to make a Matchbox car movie make sense without it feeling like a greedy attempt to churn out another low-quality action streamer whose only real hook is the brand attached to the title.

I choose to believe what actually happened is that they filmed the core of this lifeless movie, watched it back, and came to the conclusion that the only way it was going to be releasable in a way that might catch someone’s attention was by attaching it to an existing brand. Which is, frankly, just as stupid and cynical an approach to moviemaking. The movie mentions or alludes to Matchbox maybe a handful of times, mostly in the bookended sequences that begin and end the film. Otherwise, this is exactly what you would expect from an action movie dumped straight onto a streaming service, and I can already confidently say this is one that will come and go without much of a mention from wider audiences.

If there is one thing I can somewhat appreciate about this dumb and drab movie, it is that the plot is relatively easy to summarize. Sean, played by John Cena (because, of course), is a covert government agent who gets crossed and framed for stealing a bomb meant to be delivered to a smuggler. He then reunites with a group of childhood friends, all of whom apparently became close because they played with Matchbox cars together as kids. From there, everyone gets pulled into an international web of power struggles and espionage that threatens the world.

And that is where my cynicism about this kind of movie really kicks in. I have no problem with a big, stupid action movie. In fact, there are few things I enjoy more when the movie understands exactly how stupid it is and leans into it. But Matchbox the Movie is way too self-serious to work as a kid-friendly Matchbox movie, while simultaneously being way too bland to function as an adult action movie without the brand gimmick. It exists in this strange middle ground where I’m not sure who is actually supposed to be excited by the prospect of watching John Cena run around with his childhood friends because they once played with toy cars together.

It also makes the broader Mattel Studios experiment look a little stranger. I understand the desire to mine a massive toy catalog for movie ideas, especially after Barbie proved just how much potential there can be in turning a recognizable toy brand into something substantially more ambitious. But there are properties in that catalog with actual mythology, characters, worlds, and decades of material to work with. Barbie has obvious thematic possibilities. Masters of the Universe at least has an entire fantasy universe sitting there waiting to be adapted. Choosing Matchbox as one of the next major cinematic swings is not exactly the most inspiring declaration of what this experiment is supposed to become.